It’s been a hell of a year, and with that in mine, it’s time to pause and reflect on what’s passed, and to look forward to exciting things yet to come.
I’ve been absent for a while. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve even been able to go near my keyboard and to attempt to write.
It hurts, but in a good way.
It aches the way that muscles do after physical therapy. There’s that sharp pang followed by a sigh of relief after relocating a joint.
This last year has cost me a lot. I’ve had the ground ripped out from under me so many times. I had surgery. I finally sought help for my worsening mental health. I was diagnosed with a genetic condition, and had to confront the fact that chronic illness is chronic; that at the moment, there is no cure. I spent two weeks in hospital, away from my friends and family. I had to fight to find my voice. I’m still trying to confront the trauma of that fight. I had to give up dancing. I had to stop university. I had to question who I was.
But this year has taught me a lot too. I’ve learned that I’m a fighter. I’ve learned that I am strong. I’ve learned that I have the most incredible support system. I’ve learned that I have something to say, and that people want to hear it. I’ve learned that it’s ok to take a step back.
This year, I’ll find a way. I’m still coming to terms with what my life looks like now, and trying to learn where my limits are. I want to continue writing. I’m getting ready to go back to dance, and am starting to work towards the competition season. I’ve started summer school to make up for the credits I missed, expect to graduate at the end of this year, and there’s even a slim chance that I’ll qualify for honours.
Today is 01.01.2019. It’s the first day of a new year, and I’m ready. I have a phenomenal support system, an amazing team of doctors, and am starting to go back to the things I love.