Like most people, 2020 was a bit of a write-off for me. I had so much on my plate that something had to give , and unfortunately it was this.... I don’t want to go into too much detail, because I want Chronically Clumsy to be a constructive and motivating corner of the internet, but I do think it’s important to discuss what happened so I can share what I learned.
Surviving summer is always tough. There's the heat, the humidity, and most of all, the expectation that you spend all of your time outside pretending that you actually enjoy it. Add chronic illness into the mix, and it's tempting to find a commercial walk-in freezer and never leave it. These are my favourite products which have helped me this summer.
My life will forever be changed by Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and its sister diseases. I will never be able to go back to life the way it was a year ago, and I had to mourn that life. I had to face the reality that I may never dance again, that I would have to put work on hold, and defer my university studies. I had to confront my fears that maybe this was psychosomatic, that I really just had Munchausen's and was somehow making myself sick on purpose. But I had to stop grieving, because I needed to fight for just a little longer.
Yes, now my days are a bit different. Sometimes I have days when I can't even get out of bed. Sometimes I have to stop doing the things that I love, and find another focus that is something more doable for my body. Sometimes my days are filled with doctors and pills, procedures and hospitals, and sometimes they tell me things that I don't want to hear, but sometimes they do.
Last night was a bad night. So was the night before, and in the small hours of the morning, I said a quiet, wordless prayer. And today, today was a good day.
Because of my health I've been holed up in my room more often than not, so after I had my endo surgery we came up with the idea of creating a little sanctuary space for me upstairs.